Unnatural Diasters
by HipsterFangirl68
Summary: When I thought of how I planned on spending my summer vacation, I had thought shopping, tans and relaxing. NOT being forced to live with three different strangers, one of whom is determined to not only take the Baudelaire's and my fortune, but possibly kill us. Oh, and don't forget the guy I've basically been in love with forever officially thinks I'm insane. My summer, everybody.


**Heyo, peeps! Howza doin'? Thanks for clicking on this story! It's my first ASOUE fanfic, hopefully I manage to start off good! So, this story is gonna be centering around my OC, who'll hopefully give the tale a more comedic spin. Don't get me wrong, I love the movie, but there's nothing wrong with adding comedy and I'm up for the challenge of adding something like that to this depressing story.**

 **Disclaimer: Don't own the movie or characters, all rights belong to Lemony Snicket.**

* * *

Well, today was a total waste of makeup.

A _complete_ waste if you asked me. In fact, not only had it been a huge waste of makeup, but also perfume - _expensive_ perfume. Damn me and my extravagant tastes. Then again, it was because my expensive taste that I currently smelt like vanilla. A Vanilla Bean Babe, if the label on the bottle was anything to go by. I had practically showered in the stuff before we had left for Briny beach.

You see, I had been under the false impression that we'd be hitting the town right after going to the beach, so I had perhaps overdressed just a _tad_. For _no_ particular reason, of course (why would you even think that? I'm very offended that you even mentioned it!). I had carefully applied my makeup, tied my hair up in a messy ponytail (only the type that _looked_ carelessly perfect, when in reality it had taken well over ten minutes to achieve it) and sprayed my favourite perfume. Once again, for _no particular reason_.

Anyway, earlier I had been under the impression that we would only be spending half an hour ( _tops_ ) at the beach before grabbing some lunch in town. But did we? _No_. Instead, we had spent well over half an hour here, doing nothing but watching the grey skies.

I breathed a quiet sigh, nestling my nose in between my knees. My legs were tightly wrapped with my arms and hugged to my chest. My eyes remained unblinking on the far off horizon. Or, what I'm _sure_ was the horizon I couldn't exactly tell. The forever stretching sea was masked with a depressingly black colour, and that monotonous ebony eventually flowed into a pristine white where the fog met the sea. Yea, you read that right. We were on a completely deserted beach that currently had no shining sun but instead a vast blanket of white that hung heavily over the waters. So, not only were we stuck at a beach that in no way resembled a beach, but we were also stuck standing in the middle of the cold.

I shivered and attempted to cover the exposed areas of my body with my arms. But, considering what I was wearing - a cute crop top and a pair of overall shorts - there didn't really seem to be a point.

Looking at the cold weather, you in no way would've been able to guess that this was actually the first day of our summer. Our summer _holidays_ , at that. And, of _course_ , we decided to waste it _here_ , the gloomiest place in existence.

I sighed. Why oh why did we decide to spend a Saturday, the first day of _my_ Summer _, here_ in the freezing cold wearing little to nothing?

 _Actually, don't answer that. I already_ know _the reason why._

Shaking my head of _that_ thought, I tried visualizing all the things I'd rather be doing instead _this_. Like, for instance, reading the dictionary, being forced to run laps in P.E. (I _swear_ Coach has it in for me) or even eating liver _and_ fish for breakfast every morning. _Raw_.

I shuddered. I _hated_ fish.

Another shiver cascaded down my spine and I decided that _enough was enough_. We had to leave - _now_.

Standing from my spot in the damp sand, I began marching in the direction that Violet currently resided in while dusting off the sand that clung to my skin and fabric.

Oooh, I'm gonna _kill_ that brunette. And I don't care if I had to jump to do it, that tall jerk. It wasn't _my_ fault that Violet was tall for her age (and _no_ , it most certainly had _nothing_ to do with my own height, thank you very much).

My fists angrily swung by my sides when my eyes fell on said tall girl. Violet looked like she had come out of a cheesy music video, gazing out into the sea, her brown locks softly dancing in the breeze and a slight smile tugging at her lips. I gritted my teeth, did she _always_ have to look good?

Reaching her, I crossed my arms in front of my chest and scowled at her. I would've gone the extra mile and tapped my foot impatiently, but, as it turns out, I can't do that on the beach, so I instead settled for scrunching my toes in the sand. Violet didn't acknowledge me, instead keeping her peaceful gaze on the horizon. I raised a brow, _what_ was so fascinating about some cloudy, cold beach?

"Viiiiiiiii," I whined, puffing out my cheeks. "When're we goin'?"

The smile was gone as soon as I opened my mouth. I smirked, oh yes, if there was _one_ thing I was good at it was acting and sounding annoying. Intentionally, of course.

"Seriously, Lu?" She turned to face me with a look of disappointment. "We've only been here for-"

"A whole hour," I interrupted flatly.

"Oh, really?" She blinked, looking genuinely taken back. "You sure?"

"Positive."

"Oh."

"Can we go _now_?"

Violet glanced at me carefully from the corner of her eye. Turning her head back fully in my direction, she raked her eyes up and down my body with a raised brow. I stiffened, suddenly aware of her suspicions. She narrowed her eyes, "Why'd you come anyway, Lu?"

I took a step back. "Huh?"

Violet shrugged nonchalantly and looked back to the ocean. "Well, clearly, you don't want to be here," Looking back at me, I _swear_ I saw a twinkle of _evil_ in her eye. "So, why'd you come?"

There was a sudden burning in my cheeks and a pounding in my ears. I quickly turned from Violet's accusing stare and pointed in a random direction. "W-Why, lookie over there! For a moment, it almost looked like the sun was gonna make an appearance!"

Violet smirked in victory, earning a frown from me. What was _that_ crafty look for?

"Thought so," she muttered to herself, turning back to face the sea with a raised chin.

I pouted. "What? What'd you think so?"

Her blue eyes twinkled with amusement as the corner of her mouth tilted upwards. "That you came here simply because of your infatuation with my brother."

My jaw dropped.

I spluttered unintelligently, trying to form a reply but failing.

Finally, I managed to glower at her and placed my fists tightly on my hips. _Infatuation?_ Who even used that word anymore? And, more importantly, just _who_ was _she_ to assume and judge my motives? I simply could be tired of hanging around the house and wanted to escape to the beach today for it's tranquil beauty, thank you very much.

I didn't, but that was besides the point.

"And what," I growled, "would give you _that_ ludicrous impression? I could simply be here for my fascination with this beach's magnificent coastal area. I mean, _look_ at that sand. It does _not_ normally come in a colour so pale as this - beautiful and original, I tell you. Totally worth coming here on the first day of summer."

I'm also quite the liar, if I do say so myself. I mean, I hated anything to do with this beach, much less the sand. To paraphrase the great Anakin, 'It's coarse, and rough and irritating and it gets everywhere.' And _do not_ even get me started on that _awful_ colour.

Violet turned to look at me, scanning me up and down, before scoffing and turning away. I gaped, did she just _diss_ me?

"You're a dreadfully terrible liar, Lu," she mumbled, shaking her head almost in disappointment. I frowned and opened my mouth to protest, but she quickly cut me off. "It's transparently clear why you're here - you hate the beach more then you hate P.E. and not only are you wearing quite a bit of makeup, but also wearing that expensive perfume you save only for special occasions."

 _Shit_.

I grimaced, reaching up to touch a hand to my cheek. "That proves nothing," I weakly defended.

I couldn't stop myself from quickly checking over my shoulder if _he_ could hear our conversation. I don't care if he was to far away to hear us, there was no harm in checking.

Peeking over my shoulder, I confirmed that _no_ , he hadn't looked up from another one of his thick novels. I felt the corners of my mouth turn downwards. I'm not exactly sure if I was happy we hadn't caught his attention or disappointed.

Violet snorted again and I quickly turned to face her. I almost let out a loud groan upon seeing the amused grin she wore and her twinkling eyes. "I saw that," she chuckled.

Damn it.

"I don't get it, Lu," Violet continued, "why don't you just tell him how you feel? Almost everyone in school is aware of your borderline stalker crush on him. Everyone except him. Why not change that?"

Why not tell Klaus that I liked him as more then a friend? Well, for one thing, any time that boy had his eyes on me, I'd get so nervous that my ramblings would come out as high-pitched squeaks. Talking to boys had never been my forte, but when it came to Klaus I had a bigger chance of mastering an arabesque while playing Let it Go on the harmonica then successfully talking to that brunette without getting tongue-tied.

And not to mention there was the _slight_ problem that I was 99% sure he had no feelings for me beyond that of a sister. And no, do _not_ assume that I was simply saying that when really he secretly had been in love with me for as long as I had been with him. Nope, that boy plainly did not have an interest in me like I had it him, and instead seemed much more interested in reading his books then talking with me.

So, there was no point in me confessing how I felt for Klaus when I knew my feelings for him were completely unrequited. He rarely took notice of me and, when he did, it was more because I'd done something really stupid and he couldn't resist giving me one of his famous looks. You know, the raised eyebrow, squinted eyes and pursed mouth look. It was a classic judgemental stare that both conveyed his disappointment and displeasure in what he currently was witnessing.

Which, most likely, was me being an idiot.

I received that look quite a bit, especially recently.

So, yeah, you see my dilemma here? The boy I had feelings for, whom I also happened to live with, was not only oblivious to how I felt, but also did not return those feelings.

And there was no way I was chucking away our friendship like last night's fish tacos (I _hate_ fish). No way, thank you.

I stood there, paralysed by the waves of emotions and thoughts running through me, shoulders slumped. Violet noticed my sudden change in demeanour and frowned, crossing her arms in front of her chest.

. . . before her eyes lit up as one of her famous lightbulb ideas hit her.

I felt the colour drain from my face.

Uh oh.

I had a feeling I was _not_ gonna like this idea.

"Well, if _you_ won't tell him," she turned her nose up in the air as she pointed an accusing finger to the tip of my nose, "then I shall!"

My jaw dropped.

I didn't respond right away. I stood there, gaping like an, _ew_ , fish as she smirked down at me. Violet had barely taken a step in his direction before I had sprung into action. "Stop, fool!" I shouted, launching myself onto her back.

Violet squealed, taken by surprise, and grasped at the arms I'd thrown around her neck. "What're you doing, Lu?!" She demanded.

"Don't you dare," I hissed into her ear, wrapping my legs around her waist.

A hint of a smirk briefly pulled at her lips before Violet suddenly began jerking in random directions, trying to force me off her back. "I'm gonna tell him . . ." she sung teasingly.

I wanted to hit her so bloody much, damn it. She was causing a scene! What if he heard her?

"Don't' you dare!" I repeated, wrapping an arm over her eyes.

She squealed again, only this time a few laughs managed to escape. And despite the situation I was in - you know, Violet threatening to tell the guy I liked about my feelings and me clinging to her like a koala to an eucalyptus tree - I couldn't stop myself from giggling with her.

"What're you two doing?"

. . . until Klaus suddenly showed up.

We both froze. Slowly, we in sync turned to face the confused bookworm, who looked at the pair of us as if a second head had grown from our necks.

Remember that high pitched squeal I told you about earlier? That annoyingly penetrating voice that sounded like it belonged to a chipmunk then a human being? Yeah, that's exactly what I sounded like when I exclaimed, "Klaus!" in alarm.

Seeing him wince, I had to restrained myself from groaning. _How embarrassing._

Not wanting to draw anymore attention to myself, I quickly leapt off of Violet's back and onto my feet. Speaking of whom, the female genius next to me was cackling like a delusional imbecile at my embarrassment. I gritted my teeth, feeling my cheeks glow crimson. She was _so_ dead when Klaus wasn't looking.

Speaking of whom only stood a short distance from me. I gulped, trying to control the erratic pulsing in my ears and forcing my eyes to meet his. Oh, that beautiful face . . .granted that face would've looked much _more_ beautiful if it currently wasn't staring at me like I was some bizarro alien or something, but _hey_ we can't all be choosers.

My stomach shifted uneasily, twisting and untwisting with tight knots, as my pulse pounded in my skull. Exhaling, I forced myself to grin happily at the handsome boy in front of me while mentally repeating the triple C code.

 _Calm._

 _Control._

 _Cool._

With another quiet exhale, I opened my mouth to greet my Prince Charming. "Why, hello, there Klaus! My, my, do you look different today. New sweater? Glasses? You _must_ tell me your secret to remaining so eternally youthful whilst we are sat in this awfully pale seaside, m'dear."

 _Never mind._

I internally grimaced, but covered up the embarrassment I felt with a sugar-sweet cheshire-cat grin. I'm not even sure what the _hell_ I'd said, let alone what I meant by it.

And based on the looks I received from both Klaus and Violet, neither did they.

Klaus had an extremely bewildered look on his handsome face. " _What?_ "

The way he looked at me sent tingles through my body as my heart pounded in my throat. My cheeks were flushing hot, I could tell, and my stomach felt heavy. _What_ , it's _not_ like Klaus spent much time looking at me. I wasn't kidding when I said his nose was always buried in thick books. Despite living in the same house as me, it felt as if we rarely spoke with one another, so I can hardly be blamed for feeling a _little_ giddish that he now was looking at me.

 _Even_ if said look appeared to be extremely baffled.

Violet slowly leaned towards me and whispered in my ear, "You are truly the b in subtle, Lu."

I gritted my teeth, but restrained from smacking her. Barely. I quickly sent her a dirty look that said, _You-Are-SO-Dead-When-We-Get-Home._

She had the audacity to snort and roll her eyes in return.

Why, that little . . .

Gulping, I tried to wave off the awkward tension with a careless hand in the air. "Sorry, minor brain fart is all."

 _Hello, God? Now would be a wonderful time to open up the earth below my feet and swallow me whole. Why? Because quite frankly I'd rather deal with the earth's core right now then_ this _major fuck up._ _Pretty please? Sincerely, a concerned human._

The sound of Violet's loud guffaws broke me from my mental prayers and I clenched my jaw. I'm glad _someone_ found my humiliation to be vaguely amusing, because I sure as hell didn't.

And apparently, neither did Klaus. I wasn't sure if I was happy about this, since the expression he currently wore on his face was unreadable. So, I had _no_ idea what he currently thought about me- I mean, what I _said_. Furrowing his eyebrows, his eyes remained unblinkingly on my form for a good few seconds.

I gulped, feeling my heart flicker uncomfortably under his intense stare. Why was he looking at me like that?

Suddenly, he reeled back, wrinkling his nose and covering it with both of his hands. I cocked an eyebrow, momentarily panicked that perhaps I _had_ actually farted. I _did_ have that burrito before I left . . .

"Lu?" His voice was strained as his eyes darted from different points on my body. "What are you wearing?"

I blinked, taken aback. What? Why would he ask such a ridi-

Oh no. Don't tell me that I - gulp - forgot to wear pants and _that_ was why Violet was currently laughing like a hyena on laughing gas. Because I was prancing around in a crop top and a pair of my Spongebob underwear-

"Um," I hurriedly checked my attire and realized, with relief, that I had in fact remembered to put on pants today. Overalls, to be specific. Then I frowned. Why was my clothing suddenly important? "Overalls?"

Klaus sniffed and took a small step back. "No, I meant your perfume. Is that _vanilla_?"

I beamed. "Uh, yeah! You noticed?"

He wrinkled his nose as his brows drew together. "Well, yes - it's kind of hard _not_ too."

I froze, feeling my soul drop into the pit of my stomach. Of course, _of course_ \- only I while in my quest to appeal to Klaus Baudelaire à la scent could repeal him with that very same quest. What was next, too much makeup, to greasy hair, to short a crop top? Although, personally my love for crop tops far suppressed the societal norm of the preferred length of-

Shaking my head furiously, I could feel my cheeks burn as if they were on fire and tried to cover their new colour with my shaking hands. _Hello, God? I've never done anything - today, at least - to upset you. You'd be doing me a really big favour by swooping me from the long, bony arms of my old foe, Shame._

"Are you feeling alright, Lu?" Klaus asked, keeping his distance but dropping his arm to his side. I jumped, tearing my gaze from the tips of my shoes to the object of my affections. The heat on my cheeks was reaching _supernova_ levels (which, I'm no expert in science, but I'm _pretty_ sure is fairly hot), as he scanned my face, his eyebrows drawn together.

 _Hey, God, guess what? Not going to Church anymore._

I mean, it's not like I _had_ been doing that before, but _hey_ , perhaps in the future I could've made it a hobby of mine to come to his house every week to pray. But now, after this shit storm that is my life, I don't see _that_ ever becoming a possibility.

Violet barely managed to cover her laugh with a shaky cough as she agreed. "Y-Yeah, Lu, you look almost flustered."

I _swear_ that that girl was the devil in human form.

Why had I even bothered coming today without at least _thinking_ it through? Now he probably thought I was an idiot - well, _more_ of an idiot.

 _Come on, Lu, don't be so hard on yourself._

 _You are beauty, you are grace, you are the Queen of 50 states, you are elegance and taste, you are miss united st-_

Are you repeating the Miss United States lyrics from _Miss Congeniality_?

 _Maybe?_

Oi, I need help.

"Iidah."

I blinked. What happ-

"You were singing Miss United States again, weren't you?" Violet whispered in my ear.

I frowned and quickly checked to see if Klaus was listening. Fortunately, his attention was now on Sunny, who'd crawled to his side and was pointing in a random direction.

I let loose a relieved breath and turned back to face Violet. "N-No."

"You're a terrible liar," she remarked with a raised brow. "You know you were drooling, right?"

I frowned, timidly reaching up to my chin, only to flush when I discovered that it was, in fact, wet.

 _Gross._

Oh, good one, Lewis, real smooth. You should think about running for President.

Violet bent down to pick Sunny up in her arms, as we all looked in the direction Sunny was pointing to. The silhouette of a chubby man could be seen through the thick blanket of white. As the figure got closer, I could begin to make out a top hat and grey overcoat.

When the figure finally emerged, I recognised the man to be none other then Mr. Poe.

I frowned. What was he doing here?

Don't tell me _he_ decided today was a good day to come to the beach to. Good lord, I couldn't be the _only_ one who thought fog + beach = hell nah.

Mr. Poe didn't say hello when he finally reached us. Instead he wore a look of grief, with downcast eyes and a tightly pressed mouth.

The words that he spoke, in just a heartbeat, changed all of our lives forever. "Children, I am so incredibly sorry to tell you this . . . but, your parents have perished in a fire."

* * *

 **So, how was it? What did you think? Tell me in the reviews!**

 **Updates depend on how many reviews I get!**

 **Anywhooties, PEACE OUT!**


End file.
